I did EMDR 35 years ago, as a teenager, after a tough divorce between my parents. I found it uncanny how such a relatively simple method could bring so much peace.
I also had a friend who's parents made an extra room up for me at their house. They brought me in, gave me a key to their house and said the room was mine, if ever, and whenever I needed it. I never needed it, or used it, but I cried like a baby at the love and support that it exemplified, and am crying now as I recall it.
Knowing that room was there brought me peace. I also found it uncanny that such a simple gesture could have such a profound affect on me.
I failed my Men once, and barely avoided tragedy. The memory still haunts me. I confronted one of the men I had put in harm's way, through my ignorance, to apologize and to praise his bold, life saving actions that also saved the day. He said "Nonsense, you did nothing wrong, and I did nothing special. None of us saw that coming. All I did was my job, as part of the Team, as did you. We move on together."
I have prepared a bed for you, my brother, as have you, for so many, by this worthy effort.
Thank you for writing about this Chris. Without question, your writing will help others. I hadn't heard of Gupta, Linden, or DNRS before... Have you heard of Curable? www.curablehealth.com Their work is based on the research and practice of Dr John Sarno, Dr Howard Schubiner, and Dr John Stracks, who believe that >85% of chronic pain, back pain, or conditions like fibromyalgia, irritable bowel, even crohn's disease, is psychogenic; it originates in the mind. We experience pain in the body, but it is really the brain that delivers pain signals to send the body a message: "Stop doing that". And so, our minds can 'create' pain where there is no actual physical harm to our body, as a means of warning us that something is wrong or to be avoided. The people who are most susceptible to this type of psychogenic pain tend to be high achievers, perfectionists, Type A personalities, or anxiety sufferers. I suffered from debilitating chronic pain for two decades, dating back to a recurring hockey injury from Nobles and USNA. Anxiety about the pain would lead to more symptoms, which led to more anxiety about the pain. A self-reinforcing feedback loop resulted, spiraling as my brain trained itself to be hypersensitive to these pain sensations, and extra diligent in looking out for the 'danger' that they represented. A lot of awareness, education, and mind training have gradually unwound the feedback loop for me, mostly anyways. I don't know if this is at all similar to the physical symptoms you experienced that were tied to anxiety and PTSD, but it sounded like your experience could be similar to mine in some ways. Thanks for writing.
These thoughts remind me of the movie “a beautiful mind”. Princeton Mathematician, John Nash learned to adjust his thinking much in the same approach- and essentially reason his way through his schizophrenic delusions by recognizing them, and then assigning them differently in his mind. I loved the imagery in the final scene when he nods at his delusions, but does not choose to act on them.
He definitely had a beautiful mind- as do you my friend. This is good stuff.
Taking these thoughts one step removed; I feel like it’s important to acknowledge that navigating mental illness often has “collateral damage”. I appreciate how you were willing to share the moment with your Son, and your experiences with therapy. It takes a lot of courage to let yourself be vulnerable, and it seems that vulnerability is one of the only pathways towards true strength in facing the monsters.
much like the real world events that initiate a PTSD response, the effects also unfortunately touch those we love around us. As a father who lives inside that blast radius, I have definitely found some comfort in my own therapy sessions. They helped me change my perspective and break down the false armour (stories I created) when reacting to a loved one struggling with mental illness.
It’s easy to play the blame game, and I have definitely been a less than adequate dad at times… but when I realized that there actually was a 3rd party monster out there whispering negative thoughts in my kid’s ear, it was actual a very freeing thought. It helped me be more supportive in “turning on a nightlight” during dark times , rather than slamming doors in anger.
I wish it wasn’t a continual battle with the darkness. But I have also experienced beautiful moments when the mind and family are rowing in the same direction…the monsters were just left in our wake.
It means a lot that you have shared this story and it doesn't just apply to military personnel. Your insights are important for all of us to be self aware and if possible allow ourselves to let the narrative fade as just a thought as early as possible. I look forward to exploring this more in the future and appreciate the courage it took to "help" the rest of us to realize, we aren't alone.
Great write up man. That part with the monsters and your boy… that part really spoke to me. Keep up the great work brother!
Brave. Important. Impactful.
Both the article and the Man behind it.
I did EMDR 35 years ago, as a teenager, after a tough divorce between my parents. I found it uncanny how such a relatively simple method could bring so much peace.
I also had a friend who's parents made an extra room up for me at their house. They brought me in, gave me a key to their house and said the room was mine, if ever, and whenever I needed it. I never needed it, or used it, but I cried like a baby at the love and support that it exemplified, and am crying now as I recall it.
Knowing that room was there brought me peace. I also found it uncanny that such a simple gesture could have such a profound affect on me.
I failed my Men once, and barely avoided tragedy. The memory still haunts me. I confronted one of the men I had put in harm's way, through my ignorance, to apologize and to praise his bold, life saving actions that also saved the day. He said "Nonsense, you did nothing wrong, and I did nothing special. None of us saw that coming. All I did was my job, as part of the Team, as did you. We move on together."
I have prepared a bed for you, my brother, as have you, for so many, by this worthy effort.
Thank you for writing about this Chris. Without question, your writing will help others. I hadn't heard of Gupta, Linden, or DNRS before... Have you heard of Curable? www.curablehealth.com Their work is based on the research and practice of Dr John Sarno, Dr Howard Schubiner, and Dr John Stracks, who believe that >85% of chronic pain, back pain, or conditions like fibromyalgia, irritable bowel, even crohn's disease, is psychogenic; it originates in the mind. We experience pain in the body, but it is really the brain that delivers pain signals to send the body a message: "Stop doing that". And so, our minds can 'create' pain where there is no actual physical harm to our body, as a means of warning us that something is wrong or to be avoided. The people who are most susceptible to this type of psychogenic pain tend to be high achievers, perfectionists, Type A personalities, or anxiety sufferers. I suffered from debilitating chronic pain for two decades, dating back to a recurring hockey injury from Nobles and USNA. Anxiety about the pain would lead to more symptoms, which led to more anxiety about the pain. A self-reinforcing feedback loop resulted, spiraling as my brain trained itself to be hypersensitive to these pain sensations, and extra diligent in looking out for the 'danger' that they represented. A lot of awareness, education, and mind training have gradually unwound the feedback loop for me, mostly anyways. I don't know if this is at all similar to the physical symptoms you experienced that were tied to anxiety and PTSD, but it sounded like your experience could be similar to mine in some ways. Thanks for writing.
These thoughts remind me of the movie “a beautiful mind”. Princeton Mathematician, John Nash learned to adjust his thinking much in the same approach- and essentially reason his way through his schizophrenic delusions by recognizing them, and then assigning them differently in his mind. I loved the imagery in the final scene when he nods at his delusions, but does not choose to act on them.
He definitely had a beautiful mind- as do you my friend. This is good stuff.
Taking these thoughts one step removed; I feel like it’s important to acknowledge that navigating mental illness often has “collateral damage”. I appreciate how you were willing to share the moment with your Son, and your experiences with therapy. It takes a lot of courage to let yourself be vulnerable, and it seems that vulnerability is one of the only pathways towards true strength in facing the monsters.
much like the real world events that initiate a PTSD response, the effects also unfortunately touch those we love around us. As a father who lives inside that blast radius, I have definitely found some comfort in my own therapy sessions. They helped me change my perspective and break down the false armour (stories I created) when reacting to a loved one struggling with mental illness.
It’s easy to play the blame game, and I have definitely been a less than adequate dad at times… but when I realized that there actually was a 3rd party monster out there whispering negative thoughts in my kid’s ear, it was actual a very freeing thought. It helped me be more supportive in “turning on a nightlight” during dark times , rather than slamming doors in anger.
I wish it wasn’t a continual battle with the darkness. But I have also experienced beautiful moments when the mind and family are rowing in the same direction…the monsters were just left in our wake.
Keep writing man, love this stuff!
-S
Thanks for sharing this, Chris.
It means a lot that you have shared this story and it doesn't just apply to military personnel. Your insights are important for all of us to be self aware and if possible allow ourselves to let the narrative fade as just a thought as early as possible. I look forward to exploring this more in the future and appreciate the courage it took to "help" the rest of us to realize, we aren't alone.